Thankful

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I've never been a fan of this holiday (A holiday where you just sit and eat?  Boring!) but, this year, it feels different.  Although, things in my life aren't going "perfect", I'm feeling more thankful than ever for what I have.   This past year has been a tough year but, a great opportunity for personal growth.  While many times have been unpleasant, I am so grateful for having them because they have allowed me to become a better person. Here's the things, I am most thankful for this year. 

1.  My Confidence
 For the first time, I feel confident in myself.  I feel like I could walk into a room and everyone could hate me and I wouldn't crumble.  Although, I'm not "perfect", I love myself for who I am and I'm at a point where someone could take it or leave it.  Of course, I have my faults but, I feel aware of them and can take the blame for something now when I mess up instead of avoiding the situation.  That alone, is a huge success!  Before, I would either avoid the confrontation or take in so much blame for something when in reality it wasn't all my fault.  I wish I could give this gift to so many people in my life.  As I've started to gain my confidence, I've tried to take others along with me in hopes that they will make strides in gaining their own confidence, but, I'm realizing that I can't do it for anybody else . That's hard but, I saw a quote the other day, that spoke to me in this scenario.  It said, "You can't make anyone 'get it' until they choose to 'get it.'  Instead, lead by example and let go of the rest." 

2.  My beautiful little girl
Oh, I could count the millions of ways how I love my sweet baby.  Yes, I know, I know, she is no longer a baby but, I recently got her the book, "Love You Forever" and if you've ever read the book, you know it comes from a Mother telling her child as he grows, "as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."  This is so fitting for my feelings toward her.  She will always be my baby.  Even if she tells me she hates me because I grounded her or as she runs off to prom in high school with a boy in hand, she will always be my baby.  I love her so much regardless of her disorganizing my perfectly folded laundry or the occasional tantrums or the early mornings or even the smashed goldfish that takes forever to clean.  I love her unconditionally and will always be here for her and that's a great feeling.  I am so lucky to have her in my life.  She has taught me so much in just a short time.  She is truly a gift in my life and I am forever grateful for each day I have with her. 

3.  The fruits of our labor
This year has been tough in regards to the time we have spent with Andres.  In fact, since I became pregnant with Isabella, Andres' work ethic went from slightly higher than normal to extreme (and this was a man that when I met him was chillin' in a kiddie pool, drinking beer and had no motivation to finish college).  It's been hard at times because I feel like I've been a single parent the majority of Isabella's life however, I can't say that I'm not grateful for the financial gains of OUR work (yes, ours because you better believe I have put my work into making up for him being gone).

We are reaching a point now where he doesn't need to work so hard anymore.   It has definitely been hard work!!  I'm grateful for the experience but, the time for it to be over is now.  Working this hard has taken a toll on our relationships and health.  I hope that we can look back at this period and say that the sacrifice was worth it.  The things we've been able to purchase and save for are unreal now for her only being 2.  It's pretty amazing that we've been able to do all this in such a short time.  For Andres to be able to go out and work as hard as he has, I've had to make huge sacrifices in my career and have had to pick up a lot of the slack for him being gone.  I wish that I could celebrate the joys of our accomplishments more and really get to praise him in a public setting but, by the time we have a moment to celebrate, we're exhausted and he's been gone so long that the connection between us (and between him and Isabella) is usually suffering.  I hope that after he's done with this (last) trip, that he will reestablish a bond with us and make up for lost time.  I hope that he will take the time to focus on his health and relationships instead of money.  I hope that by him doing this, that I can find a place to show my gratitude to him for his hard work. 

4.  Good Health
Everyday that my family, friends and I wake healthy, is a great day no matter what goes wrong throughout the day.  I am so thankful that I've given the gift of life everyday as a PRESENT.  :-)

5.  Friendships: New and Old
I've made some great friendships this year.  Friends that I hope to have around for a very long time.  It's amazing to find people that you can be yourself with and have a listening ear for your ups and downs.  I am so grateful for the new friendships that I've made but, still forever grateful for my old friends.  My rock solid friendships are so old and familiar and it's amazing to have people in my life that I have shared so much with throughout the years.  It's hard to believe that I graduated high school 10 years ago this year and that I've been out of college for 6 years!  I'm feeling so old!  Yet, there is a peace in knowing that throughout all those years, some of the same people have been by my side. 

6.  The Opportunity to Attend Therapy
A lot of people have told me that they are shocked that I would be so open and upfront about sharing that I've been going to therapy.  I personally don't see a big deal in it.  Being a Psychology major in college, I just feel like a lot of times that I'm going to class but, it's a class all about me (the best class of all - lol).  I don't know why therapy has gotten a bad stigma.  I wish that everyone would attend therapy regularly.  I think it could do wonders for our society.  Mental health is severally overlooked.  (But, that's another topic for another day.)

Today, though, I just want to say that I am grateful for my experience to have been able to go to therapy.  It has truly changed my life for the better.  I wish I would have done it years ago because, the things that I've held myself back on or handled incorrectly due to my insecurities would have really changed my life.  But, everything happens for a reason and I'm just grateful that moving forward, these things won't hold me back (as much).

In saying all that, I'm really looking forward to 2013.  A lot of things have been simmering in my head this year and I feel as if things are starting to come together for me for my next step in my life.  I don't feel like I'm forcing anything, either...it feels like things are naturally coming together.   Again, I found a quote that really reiterates this.  It says, "If you can let go of needing to know 'how' it's all going to happen, you are actually letting go of control - which, in turn, frees the Universe up to do it's thing in the best way possible."  It's so, so true.  I can't wait to see what's next!!!

28th Birthday.

 

I turned 28 about a month ago.  28 sounds so young and yet I feel so much older than that.  I swear after age 21, Birthdays are so much less eventful.  My actual Birthday was on a Monday so, the celebration occurred over the prior weekend.  I went to my parents for dinner/gifts one night and went to a dinner and movie with Andres another night.  On Sunday morning, Andres told me to get up early because he made an appointment for me at a spa.  He told me where to go but didn't tell me what I was getting.  He had booked a massage and pedicure.  The pedicure was so different than any pedicure I had ever gotten.  They put you in a chair that's like a dentist chair and they put a hot pad around your shoulders and a compress on your eyes and do your toes while you lay back.  It was different but, pretty enjoyable!  It was so sweet of him to book that for me and get some time to myself.

On my actual birthday, I was exhausted and the baby and I laid around a lot and napped together.  Andres worked from home so he got off early and took us to dinner.  It was quiet and nice.

Last year, my best friend and I started a tradition to do a painting class for our Birthdays (she is 3 weeks older than me) and so the weekend following my birthday, we took our class.  This year's painting was much easier and yet my painting last year looked SO much better (To see my one from last year, click here).  I think I drank too much wine this year.  Her's turned out amazing though.  It was so fun and super relaxing.

I didn't get a lot of pics and I hate how my smile looks fake in both of the pictures I did get because I was having more fun than it looked!  I'm looking forward to age 28.  27 was a hard but great year.  I had a lot of self-discovery but, getting to that point wasn't always pleasant.  My goal for 27 was to become more domestic and I'm def getting there.  I can now cook a meal without it tasting too horrible and put together a house better than I ever expected!  I'm actually starting to get a hang of crafting too.  The Cricut has changed my world!  My goals for 28 are to continue with my domestic skills, have a wedding and feel more self confident and satisfied with myself.   Here's to 28!!! 

What's in the Name?

Hi! Welcome to my new blog. I wanted to start a blog about all the things in my life other than Isabella. Our "Growing up Giraldo" blog focuses simply on her (and any future children) and I've been itching to write about some other things (and also want an outlet to ensure my brain still works for things other than making meals, running errands and cleaning). You may wonder what the name meaning is all about in "Becoming the Imperfect Woman" and let me explain.....

Recently, I've started undergoing therapy (and no, I promise I'm not crazy). The initial reason I started (therapy) was due to some issues Andres and I were having. We had gotten to a place where we both resented each other for various reasons and I had been so focused on the dance studio and then being a Mom and he was so focused on providing for his newly formed family that our relationship wasn't getting the investment that it needed. (More about that though on another post....)

 I also entered therapy because I had been feeling much more unhappy than normal for months prior to realizing the state that Andres and I were in. I wasn't feeling my normal happy self. I missed working A LOT but, at the same time, really was enjoying my time at home with Isabella. Before even entering therapy, I realized that I fed a lot of my self confidence off of my work performance and found myself in a now pretty thankless, pay less job and needed to find a way to feel happy again without working outside the home because in the end, I still wanted to stay home with her. Also, after Isabella's 1st birthday party last year, when I threw a much larger than needed bash for her, I didn't enjoy it at all for myself and knew something was wrong. I just kept cringing at everything it wasn't instead of everything it was. I beat myself up that I didn't have a job or any other distractions for Isabella, so in essence, I should be the "perfect" Mother and throw the "perfect" party. I knew what I was thinking was silly but, I couldn't get it out of my head.

It's interesting that when you enter therapy, you start with one issue (the one I just described) and it opens up a whole can of worms. It's amazing the things I've realized about myself through this process (and I've always considered myself pretty self aware). The biggest of which is my perfectionism. I never really considered myself a perfectionist because I wasn't the one striving for all As in school, wasn't wanting to be the most popular, or didn't always have my attire, makeup and hair perfectly in place. However, it sure affected my confidence regardless. In essence, I didn't try as hard because I feared rejection (ie my thinking: "I got a B, but, I didn't try that hard so, a B is pretty good!") so I just kinda eased my way through school (luckily with mostly As and Bs) and put my efforts into a variety of extra activities, most of which, I stayed heavily involved in without putting myself too far out there (ie: always a leader but not the highest leader).

What's funny is that it wasn't until, I told my counselor one day that a man came up to me at the store and complimented me on my looks and I told her how he must have a mental problem to stop me in the store and say that like I was so beautiful that I needed to be told at that moment and she asked, "You don't think you're pretty?" and I responded with, "Well, I'm no Giselle!" and then I paused and said, "OMG, I don't feel like I deserve compliments unless I'm the best of the best!" (Hence why I have had a problem accepting compliments...an issue I was already aware of.)

Then, she forever changed my world and drew a bell curve and explained that most people fall into the middle of the bell curve and that throughout most of the things I do, I fall into the better than average quadrant (and named several examples) and that I should be proud of that! I sat there and realized how true it was and in that instant, my self confidence was forever changed. I continue to think about this model many times throughout the day when I start to beat myself up for not being "perfect". I tell myself, "You are better than average....you are better than average" and suddenly, I feel amazing.

I have also realized that I've gone through most of my life with a wall up. Although, I don't come across as a monotone person, in essence, I have been. I have stayed in a steady calm, remotely happy place (something I used to pride myself on) throughout life's ups and downs and haven't allowed myself to feel the happiest joys and deepest sorrows. I've been too scared to let the wall down and actually let people know who I really am.

I could write a novel alone on my life and how the perfectionism has affected me however, that is not what this blog is about. Instead, it's about the future and how I am learning to deal with it moving forward. In essence now, I'm striving to be the "imperfect woman" instead of the "perfect woman". I'm learning to love myself for who I am, flaws and all and how to open myself up to feeling more and how to deal with those feelings. I'm using this blog as a way to challenge myself and put more opinionated, personal posts out there for anyone (or no one) to read. What I love about the internet is that you never know who your reader is and how a stranger can affect you. I read so many posts about Mother's struggling to make the transition to becoming a stay-at-home Mom and they helped me out so much. It's always nice to know that you aren't alone in things, especially when it's things that aren't the most pleasant to talk about. I always respect and appreciate when people are forthcoming and honest about their beliefs, feelings and what they are going through and now, it's time to join that world!!! Here's to a new adventure!