1. My Confidence
For the first time, I feel confident in myself. I feel like I could walk into a room and everyone could hate me and I wouldn't crumble. Although, I'm not "perfect", I love myself for who I am and I'm at a point where someone could take it or leave it. Of course, I have my faults but, I feel aware of them and can take the blame for something now when I mess up instead of avoiding the situation. That alone, is a huge success! Before, I would either avoid the confrontation or take in so much blame for something when in reality it wasn't all my fault. I wish I could give this gift to so many people in my life. As I've started to gain my confidence, I've tried to take others along with me in hopes that they will make strides in gaining their own confidence, but, I'm realizing that I can't do it for anybody else . That's hard but, I saw a quote the other day, that spoke to me in this scenario. It said, "You can't make anyone 'get it' until they choose to 'get it.' Instead, lead by example and let go of the rest."
2. My beautiful little girl
Oh, I could count the millions of ways how I love my sweet baby. Yes, I know, I know, she is no longer a baby but, I recently got her the book, "Love You Forever" and if you've ever read the book, you know it comes from a Mother telling her child as he grows, "as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." This is so fitting for my feelings toward her. She will always be my baby. Even if she tells me she hates me because I grounded her or as she runs off to prom in high school with a boy in hand, she will always be my baby. I love her so much regardless of her disorganizing my perfectly folded laundry or the occasional tantrums or the early mornings or even the smashed goldfish that takes forever to clean. I love her unconditionally and will always be here for her and that's a great feeling. I am so lucky to have her in my life. She has taught me so much in just a short time. She is truly a gift in my life and I am forever grateful for each day I have with her.
3. The fruits of our labor
This year has been tough in regards to the time we have spent with Andres. In fact, since I became pregnant with Isabella, Andres' work ethic went from slightly higher than normal to extreme (and this was a man that when I met him was chillin' in a kiddie pool, drinking beer and had no motivation to finish college). It's been hard at times because I feel like I've been a single parent the majority of Isabella's life however, I can't say that I'm not grateful for the financial gains of OUR work (yes, ours because you better believe I have put my work into making up for him being gone).
We are reaching a point now where he doesn't need to work so hard anymore. It has definitely been hard work!! I'm grateful for the experience but, the time for it to be over is now. Working this hard has taken a toll on our relationships and health. I hope that we can look back at this period and say that the sacrifice was worth it. The things we've been able to purchase and save for are unreal now for her only being 2. It's pretty amazing that we've been able to do all this in such a short time. For Andres to be able to go out and work as hard as he has, I've had to make huge sacrifices in my career and have had to pick up a lot of the slack for him being gone. I wish that I could celebrate the joys of our accomplishments more and really get to praise him in a public setting but, by the time we have a moment to celebrate, we're exhausted and he's been gone so long that the connection between us (and between him and Isabella) is usually suffering. I hope that after he's done with this (last) trip, that he will reestablish a bond with us and make up for lost time. I hope that he will take the time to focus on his health and relationships instead of money. I hope that by him doing this, that I can find a place to show my gratitude to him for his hard work.
4. Good Health
Everyday that my family, friends and I wake healthy, is a great day no matter what goes wrong throughout the day. I am so thankful that I've given the gift of life everyday as a PRESENT. :-)
5. Friendships: New and Old
I've made some great friendships this year. Friends that I hope to have around for a very long time. It's amazing to find people that you can be yourself with and have a listening ear for your ups and downs. I am so grateful for the new friendships that I've made but, still forever grateful for my old friends. My rock solid friendships are so old and familiar and it's amazing to have people in my life that I have shared so much with throughout the years. It's hard to believe that I graduated high school 10 years ago this year and that I've been out of college for 6 years! I'm feeling so old! Yet, there is a peace in knowing that throughout all those years, some of the same people have been by my side.
6. The Opportunity to Attend Therapy
A lot of people have told me that they are shocked that I would be so open and upfront about sharing that I've been going to therapy. I personally don't see a big deal in it. Being a Psychology major in college, I just feel like a lot of times that I'm going to class but, it's a class all about me (the best class of all - lol). I don't know why therapy has gotten a bad stigma. I wish that everyone would attend therapy regularly. I think it could do wonders for our society. Mental health is severally overlooked. (But, that's another topic for another day.)
Today, though, I just want to say that I am grateful for my experience to have been able to go to therapy. It has truly changed my life for the better. I wish I would have done it years ago because, the things that I've held myself back on or handled incorrectly due to my insecurities would have really changed my life. But, everything happens for a reason and I'm just grateful that moving forward, these things won't hold me back (as much).
In saying all that, I'm really looking forward to 2013. A lot of things have been simmering in my head this year and I feel as if things are starting to come together for me for my next step in my life. I don't feel like I'm forcing anything, either...it feels like things are naturally coming together. Again, I found a quote that really reiterates this. It says, "If you can let go of needing to know 'how' it's all going to happen, you are actually letting go of control - which, in turn, frees the Universe up to do it's thing in the best way possible." It's so, so true. I can't wait to see what's next!!!
