The Power of Girl Friends

I could count the many ways of how much I love my friends.  I truly have some of the best.  It's a bit of a struggle to make it into my inner circle, but when you are in, you are in deep and I have some amazing girl friends that I get to truly feel myself with.  You never realize how great your friends are until you go through a hard time.  It's not always pleasant to be friends with someone who is going through a loss.  You have to watch them go through the grieving process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then finally acceptance.  It's not a fun process and yet, I had a group of women who stuck by my side through it all.  For them I will be forever grateful....I don't know how I would have ever gotten through it all without them.    

I can specifically remember one night going to dinner with my friend, Sara. She was being her typical spunky self and I sat there completely dazed and almost unresponsive to her funny jokes.  I wasn't pleasant to be around and yet, she still sat there week after week and encouraged me to do things with her.  She did this even if she had to sit across from a near lifeless person telling the same heartbreaking stories over and over again.  She had to give the same encouraging responses like a broken record and she never once complained.  Ever.  She sat there with grace and strength and told me how it was all going to be okay.  There are things she said to me during this time, I will never forget.  Things like, "when you start dating again, just get ready, they will be lining up around the building" which seems so silly but yet, in that moment, I needed to hear that.  The perspective I had of myself was completely off.  I was broken into a million pieces.  I had lost myself and I needed words of encouragement and as shallow as those words may seem...they encouraged me to feel alive again.  She also was there to make me realize how I was truly feeling.  In one instance I said, "In my support group tonight, we talked about depression.  God, I'm so glad I'm not depressed!"  In which she calmly and firmly replied, "You are depressed, Lindsay."  I sat there and didn't respond and the conservation moved on but, days later, it hit me of, holy crap, I am depressed!  By her giving me that, I could heal faster because I could recognize my feelings more and move forward.  She was with me through it all.  She got the worst of it.....she got the moments of seeing me in a panic attack where I couldn't stop itching b/c I was so anxious, trying to force food down my mouth b/c I barely ate for days and all the late night texts and phone calls of holy crap, I can't believe this is happening, please talk me through this.  She was brought into my life as a little divorce angel.  I truly believe that since we had only met just a year prior.

Sara and Me

 My friend, Whitney got hit hard, too.  One month, my phone bill was double the price simply from all the conversations I had with her analyzing everything.  She was there when I knew it was over and I had to move forward with the divorce.  She helped me pack my things and when I looked at her and said, "Are you freaking out?"  She looked back at me and said, "No.  It's all going to be okay, Lindsay." and that's all I needed to hear.  I needed her strength in that moment and she gave that to me.  She continued to give it to me day after day with texts with scripture verses and just texts of I love you meant the world to me.  She gave me so much peace and stability with a dash of humor.  One of my favorite quotes from her was, "Lindsay, just sit back and try to emotionally detach because if you can, you will be able to enjoy the show...b/c it's going to get good."  I needed that humor because she was so right.  I knew I needed to just relax and step back.  Her strength and stability allowed me to realize that.

Whitney and Me

 Fortunately, for my friend, Nicole she didn't have to take in as much a hit.  She was with me in the moment where it all came apart though....what I refer to as the day I got "the call".  The weekend that this happened, I was at my lowest.  Did she walk away?  No.  Instead, she invited me to go away for a weekend with her and her family.  Even in my zombie like state of nothing fun to say and a smile being next to impossible, she loved me enough to take me away for a weekend.  The following month when things were still crashing and burning, we had a fun kid-free weekend planned of scrapbooking and hanging out at a nice hotel.  Did we do any of that?  No.  Instead, she sat with me and listened as we watched movies and ate.  I was too weak and tired to do anything and she took her fun weekend alone and invested in me.  She always sat there with a listening ear. She believed in me and that gave me hope.

Nicole and Me

 With these three women along with a handful of other inspirational women (and some men) along the way, I came out of the darkness.  I spent a long time in a state of denial.  Once I was able to see the truth in my situation, the grieving process became more intense and difficult, but it led me on a faster path to acceptance of where I (mostly) am at today.  From these people taking the time to invest in me with their positive energy, it gave me the strength and happiness that I have today.  I feel empowered.  I feel as if their good deed to help me has inspired me even more so to give back.

I'm at a place now where I'm at a turning point.  It's a new start in many ways...even possibly a quarter life crisis or just that I'm wrapping up my 20's and thinking about where I want to head into the next chapter of my life.  I want to help people in a deep, spiritual, emotionally intense way.  I feel forever loyal to the people who have helped me through this. With the energy they invested in me, I can not only give back to them, but they gave me so much that I have much more to give.  I feel inspired to take on more.  So, I have looked into ways to do that in my career.  Nothing is set in stone yet but, I think I'm heading in the right direction and I'm extremely excited to see where this leads.

Never underestimate the power of a good deed.  By my friends investing in me during this time, they have sparked a change.  Their positive energy in me has given me positive energy to give to others.  The point is is to never give up being a "good" friend/person no matter how hard it can be.  The benefits of doing so far exceed the potential consequences.  To my friends, you are my inspiration, my love and my strength.  You mean the world to me.  Thank you for always believing in me and being by my side.  I love you!